When Lifeboats Don't Fly
by Shke Behet
Summary: “So the flowers are helping the Slytherins get in touch with their inner child? “No I thought it would be funny to make them wear them. I told them if they didn’t I would release the tapes I made of them crying and cooing at the puppy pictures.” Crack-fic
1. The fall of the Flying Crocodile Machine

A/N: Ahoy there matey's, for any of those who are confused, this is the prequel to our fic _A Pair of Ruby Slippers_. You do not, however, have to read that to understand this. You do, however, have to read our bios to understand the intricacies of RAFT.

This takes place during the 5th book, but some things will definitely be occ, because this is a humor fic people, some things will be a bit different. Alright, now that that's over, time for the RAFT tip of the day: If a random creepy old man comes up to you in a dark ally and asks if you would like to see his wand, kick him and run.

When lifeboats don't fly…….

_Flying high up in the sky, a pirate crew celebrated their latest plunder with rum and cupcakes, their flight in the sky going smoothly from the copious amount of faerie dust poured on the ship earlier that day. Suddenly….._

_"_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!" The crew looked up to see a fancy looking pirate with curly black hair and a hook for a hand following them in a hot air balloon. Shit.

"Ah ha! I have finally found you, you pink pirate ship stealing perpetrator! Prepare to boarded!"

"Quick, everyone to the lifeboats! We're out of ammo, we'll put the ship on auto-pilot!" Captain Alejandra the fearsome pink Spanish pirate princess also known as Alex called out to her crew of the Flying Crocodile Machine to the brave, lovely, awe-inspiring Quartermaster Charlie Thermina Brown, and Garrett, the cabin boy.

"Um guys, we couldn't have run out of ammo, guys come back! Uh guys!" The captain and quartermaster paid no attention to the small cabin boy's plea; instead they piled into the lifeboat.

"Quick, get the rum and hobos, Garrett the cabin boy must defend the ship! Go fight with honor! And if that doesn't work, cheat!"

"Uh…" Charlie began lowering the lifeboat, until she sneezed, and let go of the rope. The lifeboat began to plummet.

"Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts! Why isn't this working?"

"Um Alex was I supposed to put fairy dust on the lifeboats too?"

"You didn't?" Charlie shook her head, and the girls proceeded to scream bloody murder.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"HOLY SHIIIIIIIITT!!!" Suddenly, the boat landed with a crash on…………water?

"Is everyone okay?" Charlie and Alex groaned and sat up before looking around confusedly.

"How the hell did we actually land on a lake? Huzzah, we're saved!" They began to cheer and dance on the boat happily, before Alex broke a bottle of rum out of nowhere and they began drinking happily. Charlie looked over when she noticed something…there were four small children on a boat next to them….and they were staring at them in fear.

"Ahoy there fellow sea-faring comrades, come, join our festivities!" A few minutes later, all four first years were on the lifeboat with them, happily sharing in the rum stock. By now they were halfway across the lake, and unbeknownst to anyone, they were being followed. Charlie laid the rum bottle on the lifeboat in favor of playing hokey pokey with the others.

"Ummm, excuse me, but I think there's something in the water…" The first year pointed behind him at the large ripples following their boat, the rest of them looked at Alex and Charlie questioningly.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest yo ho yo ho…" They would be of little help. The first year looked in fear as a giant tentacle reached up from the water and grabbed him, knocking the rum over in the process. Charlie and Alex looked up in horror, and quickly sprang into action. Charlie pulled a javelin out of nowhere and began throwing them at the giant squid. Alex pulled an anchor up from the bottom of the boat, and began swinging. The other first years screamed and abandoned ship, while Charlie and Alex fought the giant squid for the first year, who was screaming shrilly while the giant squid swung him around, intent on saving him from the crazy pirate ladies.

"Quick Charlie, try plan B!" Just as they were about to launch their second attack, they hit the shore of the lake.

"Hey, what do you girls think you're doing?" The girls looked up from their endeavor, only to see a stout woman with wiry white hair. She took out what appeared to be a stick to Charlie and Alex, waved it around and the first year was released and fell back into the lake.

"Ooooo, neato! Hey lady, where did you get that? I want one too." She pursed her lips in anger.

"You two get over here right now, Hagrid, here are your missing first years." A massive man came into view behind the woman and gathered the first years together before taking them up a path to a large castle…..

"Wow, where the heck are we."

"You are at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, you both can see the castle?" They both looked at her like she was crazy.

"Well yeah, it's right there." Charlie nodded and the lady sighed in relief.

"Good, and if I'm not mistaken, the two of you sound American, correct?" They both looked at each other wearily and nodded.

"Alright, you ladies may come with me, we'll get this all sorted out."

----------------------------------------------------

"So let me get this right. You two were fighting Captain Hook on your flying pirate ship after having stolen the hope diamond. You abandoned ship after leaving your cabin boy, and ended up on the lake, where you proceeded to battle the giant squid and get a boatful of first years drunk. Am I correct?"

"Yep."

"I see." At that the old man leaned back in his chair and regarded them over his half-moon spectacles.

"Tell me, what academy did the two of you attend in America?" The two of them looked at each other confusedly.

"We don't go to school. We're pirates. If we went to school we couldn't pirate and drink rum."

"I see. Well I have a deal for you two. I can see by looking at you that you two should still be in school. Given the fact that you can see Hogwarts, it means that you two have some form of magic, but you know nothing of the wizarding world. Normally I would contact the American government, but considering how you arrived I will offer you two a place at Hogwarts, so that your magic does not go unchecked, and possibly harm you or a muggle."

"We'll get one of those stick things?"

"Yes."

"Oooohh cool. We're in."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Tryouts for the Quidditch teams will take place on the ---"

"Hem, hem." Charlie and Alex looked up from their intense game of tic-tac-toe, only to see a large frog looking lady about to start a speech. The Dumbledore guy had told them that they would be introduced as foreign exchange students, and given a proper cover story. The frog chick was stepping on their intro time. No one cuts in on intro time.

"…without progress there will be stagnation and decay-Ahh!" Charlie and Alex stood up, and moved to the front where the frog chick stood, and shoved her out of the way.

"I am Alejandra De la Vega, savoir of Spain, and princess of the moon, I vanquish evil-doers, and fight for love and justice!"

"I am Charlie "the venus fly trap" Brown, hauntress of Opera houses, and goddess of love and beauty. I fight to defend the world from villains, and corsets alike." All of the students of Hogwarts sat staring at the odd American girls, who were posing epically in front of the high table.

"Hem, hem." Charlie smacked the toad lady out of the way and they continued on their speech about love and justice.

"---and fight for the cause! Never forget the cause!" They shook their fists and the Hogwarts students roared with applause. They posed again before going and sitting back down. Dumbledore stood up then and walked to the front, past the seething Umbridge.

"And now, let their sorting begin." Alex and Charlie looked at each other. Sorting????


	2. and then the hat went insane

RAFT tip of the day: If someone ever invites you to hang out with their special friends who all look a bit too happy and eager, beware! For it could be a cult trying to brainwash you!

"….and then the hat went insane"

"What's this?"

"Don't touch that! You haven't paid for it yet! Yeesh, and here I thought this would be a nice relaxing day of skipping class, but no, I had to get stuck with two foolish American girls." Charlie and Alex looked up from the potions they were examining and stared at Draco.

"I'm sorry Blondie were you talking? We don't listing to ranting Brits. Oh check this one out!" Draco rolled his eyes and followed them, grabbing Alex's hand as she was about to pick up a unicorn horn.

"Come up to the front, you can get the standard kits there, I swear, if you weren't sorted into Slytherin, I'd never believe this…."

"But I wasn't sorted…"

"Not you, Charlie, but since the two of you are friends, you probably would've been sorted there too, if not for the accident." The two girls looked at each other nervously.

"Right, accident….heh heh."

!!!!!!Flashback!!!!!!!!

"Now Miss Brown if you would sit down you'll be sorted." Charlie sat down and an old ratty hat was placed on her head. She was worried about the prospect of lice, until the hat started talking, then she decided she had bigger things to worry about.

_"Hmm, let's see you believe in love, beauty and justice, but wait… WHAT THE?!"_

"SLYTHERIN!!" Charlie shrugged and took the hat off her head, it seemed to react poorly to that bit of information, oh well.

"All right Miss de la Vega, your turn." Alex stepped up to the stool and was about to place the hat on her head, when something horrible happened…the second the hat got near her head, her hair attacked. You see, she hadn't fed it for several days, as such, it was very hungry. It engulfed the hat in it's massive curly wave and began to devour it. Alex sat there calmly while all the professors panicked, Dumbledore finally removed the remains of the hat from Alex's hair using a spell.

"What are you doing? It's best to let it feed, if it's hungry it might go for people next!" Alex nodded while Charlie argued with the professors about whether or not to feed the hat to her hair. Finally Dumbledore sighed.

"Well, until the sorting hat can be repaired, Alex will not be sorted into a house, in fact, the hat will probably never go near her again, so we'll give her a room near the staff quarters to accommodate her for now." Dumbledore nodded to Snape, who came forward to show Charlie to the Slytherin common room.

"Since Alex does not have a house, we will schedule all of her classes with Charlie and the Slytherins, however they will need school supplies. Severus, perhaps you could designate a prefect to accompany them?" Snape nodded curtly before motioning to Charlie to follow him out of the room. Alex immediately followed.

!!!!!!!!End Flashback!!!!!!!

"Come on, the two of you need wands yet. No, not over there! Jeez…." He drug the two of them to Ollivander's wand shop. "Whatever you do, don't touch anything." The girls pouted but stayed still, looking in awe at all the long thin boxes stacked along the walls while Draco rang a small bell that was on the front desk. A tall thin man with crazy white hair appeared from behind a black curtain.

"Why hello there, ah Draco Malfoy, you're here, did something happen to the wand you bought here last time, dragon horn eleven inches, maple wood. Oh ho who are these two? I don't recall ever selling them wands before."

"They're American transfer students, and they both need new wands." Ollivander nodded sagely and walked around the two of them, examining them closely.

"I see. Well, you've come to the right place. I'll do some measurements and they'll have their wands in no time. Now, which one of you would like to go first?" Charlie pointed to Alex who shook her head.

"No no no. I already have a wand, see?" With that, she whipped out a pink wand looking toy with a gold crescent moon on it. Everyone stared.

"Well, I've certainly never seen one like that before, would you please demonstrate?" Alex nodded happily and began twirling around with her wand, pink glitter and sparkles flying all over the place. Draco and Ollivander stood still, stunned.

"Well, American magic certainly is….different, but it looks to be in working order, so we'll move onto this young lady here. You do not have a wand?" Charlie shook her head. "Alright then." He whipped out a tape measurer which immediately began to take Charlie's measurements by itself. Charlie began to panic and tried to fight off the tape measurer, only to tangle herself in it.

"Damn you foul beast!" Ollivander decided it was time to intervene and, flicked his wand, making the tape measurer disappear.

"Well, let's just try a few then." He started handing Charlie wands, telling her to swish them around until something happened. She tried a few and nothing happened, until Ollivander handed her a short orangey-colored wand. She swished it around and orange hearts and stars flew out of the end of the wand, one of them hitting Draco in the eye.

"Ow! What the bloody hell?!"

"I like it, ooohh pretty." She continued to wave it around, orange hearts going everywhere. Alex decided she also wanted to spin around, so she whipped out her moon wand and they began spinning in circles, destroying Ollivander's store in a shower of glitter. Draco and Ollivander panicked.

"Okay, okay, the wand's yours, no need to pay, just take it and go!"

"Okay! Thanks!" Charlie and Alex skipped out of Ollivander's shop, and down the street of Diagon Alley. Draco appeared out of the store looking very disheveled.

"Okay, we just need to get you two some robes and then we can go."

"Yay!!" The girls cheered, and ran off down the street.

"Oh god no."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Back at the castle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Look new friends! I am now like you!" Charlie began dancing around the Slytherin common room in her new robes and wand, orange hearts hitting people in the head. Draco stood looking very embarrassed in the center of the common room. The other Slytherins looked at him angrily for bringing the odd American girl into their room. Suddenly Charlie stopped dancing.

"Everyone out!" The Slytherins looked at her, confused. Charlie threw a sleeping bag into the middle of the floor and began shooing everyone out. "Sleep time for me. What are you doing, go away!" The Slytherins stepped toward her menacingly but started running away after she started swinging her wand around again. Draco sighed and went upstairs with the others. Maybe if he pretended he didn't know her, they wouldn't blame this on him later.

_In __Gryffindor__Tower__….._

"Ah yes Euan, thank you very much. Here, set up this tent. What do you mean you don't know how to set up a tent?" The first year known as 'Euan' mumbled something and stared at the ground nervously. Alex sighed in annoyance. She was currently outside the Gryffindor common room, next to a painting of a fat woman in pink. She had found one of the first years that she and Charlie had gotten drunk earlier and had convinced him to show her to his lair. He, however, was wary.

"What do you mean I have to be a Gryffindor to get in? What kind of rule is that?" Euan panicked and decided that it would be better to let her in, lest she started swinging that anchor around again.

"Mm-mimbulus mimbletonia." The two of them stepped through the portrait hole.

"Ooooooohhhhh!! It's prettier than the other one! Oh hello new friends. I too am a lion, roar! Oh why do you look so angry new friends? Oh I know free hugs for all!" With that Alex proceeded to hug each and every Gryffindor, all of whom were very confused as to why the friend of the new Slytherin was hugging them. Harry sat in the corner after Alex had hugged him and decided that this must be a trick of Voldemort's. She was sent to curse them all in hug form. He knew this year would be a dangerous one. After Fred and George had both gotten two hugs each without Alex noticing, she beamed at all of them.

"All better! Now new friends, let us enjoy these treats of delicious chocolaty-goodness!" With that, she pulled a plate of brownies out of nowhere and began handing them out. Harry eyed the brownies suspiciously before Alex got tired of waiting and just stuffed one in his mouth before moving on. He panicked and swallowed the brownie, before running over to Hermione, who was also enjoying a brownie.

"Hermione, quick! I ate one of her brownies, what if they're poisoned? She's friends with that girl from Slytherin, she can't be trusted! What if---." Hermione held up her hand. Harry waited anxiously for her to speak.

"Alex, do you have anymore?" Alex happily pranced over and handed Hermione another brownie. Harry gaped in horror.

"No, Hermione she got you! It's some kind of mind controlling brownie. I have to go save Ron!" Harry ran around the common room frantically searching for Ron, who was eating brownies in an arm chair with Ginny.

"Is he always like that?"

"It's more a recent problem. Can I have another one?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!With Charlie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"And the mongoose ate her face after going after the family pet…" Charlie had been currently entertaining a group of Slytherins by telling them ghost stories. After deciding she wasn't so bad after all, they all had a rousing party after they ransacked the kitchen. Charlie had mistaken the house elves for demented lawn gnomes and had threatened to 'plant' them if they did anything suspicious. Thinking she was just like them, the Slytherins accepted her happily.

After they snuck pumpkin juice back to the common room, Charlie decided that they weren't happy enough and decided to spike all of their drinks with vodka from her emergency supply pack. After deciding everyone was happy enough, she skipped up the stairs and jumped on the first bed she found, leaving all the Slytherins drunk in their common room.


	3. Snape's Worst Nightmare

A/N: We know you're out there, review goddammit!

RAFT Tip of the day: If an acquaintance of yours starts acting unusually around you, do not be fooled! For it could be an evil-doer in disguise, intent on spotting your weakness. Calmly kick him in the shins and do not answer his calls.

Snape's Worst Nightmare

"Girls, may I ask why all of the students in my house are being forced to sit at other tables?" Alex and Charlie looked up from their breakfasts to see the same white haired woman that met them on the shore of the lake. She looked less pleased than last time.

"What students?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about all the Hufflepuff students who normally sit at this table?"

"Oh, them we decided that this is now our headquarters, slash eating area, your so called "students" did not pass the test, they don't get to sit with us."

"You can't kick my students off of their table, and claim it was yours, it was their's first!"

"Manifest Destiny. It's an American thing. They lost we won, our table." She narrowed her eyes at Charlie.

"And I'm a teacher and you're a student, that means you listen to what I say. That's a Hogwarts thing." The two girls stared at Professor Sprout, mildly impressed that she was standing up to them.

"Fine, because you have authority, we will allow your students to sit here." Professor Sprout called her intimidated Hufflepuff's back to their table, none of them sitting anywhere near Alex, Charlie and their posse of first years. They went back to eating, all the Hufflepuff's staring at them warily until Professor Snape strode over to the table, terrifying them further.

"Your schedule." He handed Charlie a piece of paper and walked back over the Slytherin table. Alex frowned and yelled after him.

"Hey, where's mine?" She ran after him and went up to the High Table to Professor Dumbledore.

"Why do they get those and I don't? I want one too!" Dumbledore stared at her in amusement.

"Well Miss de la Vega, since you do not have a Head of House I suppose I can help you. I suppose you would like the same arrangement as Miss Brown?" Alex nodded enthusiastically.

"Then I'll give you the 7th year Slytherins schedule. Here you are." Alex happily skipped away.

"Thank you!" She skipped back to the Hufflepuff table, where Charlie was gathering her things.

"Time to go to the dungeons." Alex looked confused.

"Are we in trouble?"

"I don't know, perhaps they have decided to make us their prisoners, but it says to go to 'potions' in dungeon 4, so maybe they are trying to poison us. Or maybe British people just use funny words for things like the loo." Alex nodded intelligently.

"That could be true. Let's go and find out." They nodded to each other and swept out of the Great Hall, knocking a bench full of Hufflepuffs over on their way out.

!!!!!!!!!!!! Twenty Minutes Later !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Turn right and keep your hand on the wall."

"That's how you get out of mazes, not how you get to dungeons." Alex retorted to Charlie, the girls had set out to find their class, only to realize they had no idea how to find anything in this castle.

"Oh alright Miss Smarty Dungeons Pants how do you get to dungeons?"

"Simple." Alex randomly grabbed a student passing by the scruff of their neck. "Take us to Potions, or else I will cut you from end to end, comprende?" The student squeaked in fear and told the girls to follow him.

"Oh that was better than my idea. Do you think we can get his lunch money?"

"You don't need lunch money at Hogwarts."

"Well then mate, you better go get us some booty, and those fancy robes you're wearing would look mighty nice with me boots." The student squeaked again and gave Charlie his robes, his school books, and his copy of _Quidditch World Weekly. _

"Oh Alex did you know Victor Krum isn't going to renew his endorsement contract with the Firebolt company?" Alex waved her hand.

"Old news, I overheard this morning he's going for the new Nimbus." The chatted while walking into dungeon 4, coming to a stop when they realized a roomful of students with cauldrons was staring at them.

"Uh, is this dungeon 4?" Professor Snape swept out of the store room, striding toward them.

"Miss Brown, Miss de la Vega, do you mind explaining why you are late?"

"We got lost."

"I see. If the two of you will take a seat, I will get your textbooks." He went back into the storeroom, and the two girls headed to the nearest table with two open seats, which happened to be next to two red-headed twins.

"Hello! Did you know there are two of you?" The two of them looked up from their steaming cauldrons, surprised that Charlie was talking to them.

"There are two of you! And here I thought you just got around quickly." They turned to Alex, who they recognized.

"You're the girl we met last night that was giving out brownies."

"Ah, yes I am Alejandra de la Vega, the swashbuckling, romantic defender of justice! Pleased to make your acquaintance." Alex took her imaginary hat off her head, and bowed deeply to the twins. As she stood up, and with an elaborate had gesture she promptly whacked Snape in the nose.

"Oops."

"Miss De la Vega, sit down." Alex immediately took a seat next to the twins, and started talking to them. Charlie was looking at the three of them talking, well this was boring, no one was talking to her. She began looking through the pile of odd ingredients on the table. As she picked up a particularly gross looking ingredient, she decided she didn't like potions, and threw it over her shoulder, where it proceeded to land in some one else's cauldron, causing the potion the student was working on to explode.

"Miss Brown! Are you aware that you just caused a minor explosion?"

"Are you aware that instead of helping the student that is currently on fire you are yelling at me?" Snape angrily turned to help the flaming student.

"Blimey! That was brilliant, never seen anyone do that! George Weasly, and this here is Fred." The two girls stared at the two of them.

"How do we tell you apart? Or do we just guess every time we see you? I know! I'll make you badges." She put a 'Fred' badge on Fred and a 'George' badge on George in order to tell them apart. They snickered, amused.

"That's the first time anyone thought of that. You two are from America right?" They nodded. "So where did you go to school there?" They looked at them confusedly.

"School? We don't go to school. We're pirates. We sail the skies, stealing from the rich, then keeping the loot for ourselves." They punched each others fists and sat down. The twins grinned at them, leaning over closer.

"Pirates, huh? Haven't met any of those before, have you----" At that moment, Snape swooped back over to their table, after putting out the fire behind them.

"If you don't mind Miss Brown, I would appreciate it if you were more careful in the future." Charlie saluted.

"Righty-o Professor." He turned to Alex.

"And Miss de la Vega? Five points from…" He struggled then, realizing Alex was not sorted into a house. He automatically associated her with Gryffindor because she was sitting in between the Weasley twins, however he now had no way of punishing her. He narrowed his eyes.

"I will find a way of dealing with you later." Alex turned to Fred when Snape walked away, confused.

"But I didn't do anything." Fred shrugged.

"Snape dislikes anyone associated with Gryffindor, it looks like you're hated by association."

"But I'm friends with Charlie."

"Looks like he hates Gryffindor more than he likes Slytherin then." Alex frowned.

"That can't be it. He seems like a sad and lonely person. I know, hug time!" Then, before anyone could stop her, she ran up to the front of the room and leapt on Snape, giving him a bear hug. Everyone in the room looked up in horror, however Professor Snape did nothing, no instead of shoving Alex away and giving her detention, he froze in shock. He did not get hugged often.

Charlie leaned over to the twins, "If the teacher is too stunned to teach, does that mean we don't have class? Oh, Yay! No class for us! Everyone out! Let's go get ice cream! Fred, George where do you get ice cream in England? Oh Alex, the twins are taking us to get ice cream!"

"Really? Cool!" With that Alex detached herself from Snape and followed the twins and Charlie out of the classroom, leaving the rest of the Gryffindors and Slytherins alone with a still frozen Snape. He stayed in that position for a long time, finally the bell rang and class let out. His hand twitched, and he sat down shakily at his desk. He had to keep an eye out for that one…..


	4. RAFT Appears!

RAFT tip of the day: Always carry an invisibility cloak with you, so that if a rapist corners you, you can put it on, confuse the rapist, and escape.

Thank you FreakyD for reviewing, you were the only one! We want more!

RAFT Appears!!!!

"I would like mint chocolate and strawberry swirl." The house elf peered up at Alex nervously.

"Very sorry Miss, but we don't have any ice cream here." She looked aghast.

"You have lied! No ice cream here! Oh woe is me."

"Huh, well guess that means we're going to have to go to Hogsmeade then." Alex and Charlie looked confusedly at the twins.

"Hogsmeade?"

"Yeah, it's a wizard community just down the hill. They're sure to have ice cream there." The girls cheered.

"Huzzah! Lead the way." The twins lead them to the statue of the one eyed witch, and down the tunnel to the back room of Honeydukes.

"Ooooh pretty candy!" Charlie and Alex leapt out of the tunnel and proceeded to look at the entire stock of Honeydukes.

"Ladies, ladies, there will be plenty of time for that, but if you will follow George and I we will take you to get some ice cream." Fred ushered everyone out of Honeydukes, and proceeded to escort the trio to the ice cream shop.

!!!!!!!! AT THE ICE CREAM STORE !!!!!!!!!!!

"… and it ended up giving the kid a pig's tail…" The four of them sat at a table happily eating ice cream, skipping class, and trying to one up each other in tales of misconduct.

"Oh that's nothing one time Alex and I went to Vegas, and she ended up getting kicked out of Nevada, while I ended up married to an Elvis, of course I divorced him once I found out that he was only an impersonator."

"Oh yeah, well this one time…" Alex and Charlie stopped listening to the Twins' tale for at that moment a very shady looking character passed by the window of the ice cream parlor, they nodded to each other, and turned to Fred and George.

"Girls bathroom break! Be right back!" With that, they rushed away from the table, and snuck out the door while the twins weren't looking. Pausing in the nearest alleyway, they turned to look at the shady character with long blonde hair walking down the street.

"He is one of them."

"Yes. We must not let him get away!" With that, they transformed epically into their RAFT forms.

"Away!" They swept down the street, stalking the creepy man from the alleyways. Just as he was about to enter a run-down pub with a hog as it's mascot, Charlie aka 'Phantom' jump-tackled him, sending him flying. The two of them quickly wrestled him into the nearest alleyway, then stood back and posed.

"We have finally caught you, you dastardly devious evil-doing fiend! Prepare to suffer for your misdeeds, for I, the epic, dashing defender of love and justice, Zorro, will take you down!" Alex, aka 'Zorro' pointed at the creepy man, her cape swishing in the wind.

"Indeed, hell hath no fury as us! Be prepared to perish for your wrong-doings, for I am the hero of the weak, foe to the rich aristocratic fat cats of society, I protect all things lovely and beautiful, Phantom is here!" The creepy man looked at the two of them for a second, then began backing away.

"Damn, they found me…I see you have finally found me. I, Lucius Malfoy, will not be taken down by two fools like yourselves, for you will never catch me!" With a pop, he apparated away. The two masked marauders stared, dumbfounded. Goddamn.

"Well, that was unexpected."

"You're telling me. I hate it when they can teleport." They transformed back into their civilian forms of Alex and Charlie before panicking.

"Shit Alex, what if our ice cream melted?" Alex gasped in horror.

"My God your right, we better hurry!" With that they ran back to the ice cream shop, Fred and George still waiting.

"Where were you two?"

"We couldn't find the bathroom, you people call it funny words here. We found a room marked the loo and found it very suspicious. We thought that a man name Lui would come and watch us. That would be no good, so we finally just found a random person, stuck them in there and waited to see what happened."

"I see. Well ladies we should be getting back to Hogwarts soon." Charlie and Alex nodded enthusiastically and each grabbed one of the twins, leading them back to Honeydukes.

!!!!!!!!!! BACK AT HOGWARTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlie and Alex were sitting once again at the Hufflepuff table, each had a five foot radius of empty seats around them, where no Hufflepuff student dared venture.

"Oh Charlie, pass the pumpkin juice, thanks, so what do we have after lunch?" Charlie pulled out her time table and glanced at it.

"Hmm, Double Defense Against the Dark Arts, with Professor Umbridge. Wonder where that is? Oh I know," Charlie leaned behind her and grabbed a Ravenclaw student. "You take us to our next class." The Ravenclaw student nodded in fear, word had gotten out that if you did not do what the American girls asked, they would key hall you, and take your robes.

"Okay follow me."

"Thanks matey." After a few minutes, they came to an open door to a room full of pink lamps and plates with fluffy kittens on them. Alex and Charlie stared in horror.

"Who could live in such a place? Oh what a terrible thing….." Charlie muttered while walking to an empty seat in the middle of the room, unconsciously sitting with the other Slytherins, not noticing that the other side of the room was occupied by Gryffindors. Meanwhile, Alex had started dancing around the room to the other students amusement, and singing about how it was a wonderful pink world.

"Hello friends that look alike! Why have you taken off your name badges? I can no longer tell you apart!" While Alex tried to decide which one of the twins was Fred, and which one was George, Professor Umbridge entered the room.

"Hem, hem." Alex paid no attention and finally decided to put brightly colored hats on Fred and George to tell them apart.

"Pink is for Fred, and orange is for George, now Charlie and I know."

"Hem, hem." Alex was dressing the twins up in their respective colors, and Charlie was staring wide eyed at the kitty plates.

"Oh dear god, their eyes are following me!"

"HEM, HEM!!"

"WHAT?!" Professor Umbridge stood glaring at Alex while all the students snickered.

"Sit down immediately! Class has begun!" Alex squeezed in between the twins and stared attentively at Umbridge, who had calmed down. After a chorus of 'Hello Professor Umbridge', the class was told to take out their textbooks and begin reading chapter 1. Charlie took one look at her book before jumping out of her seat, and screaming at Professor Umbridge.

"This isn't how you defend against evil! There's nothing in here about love and beauty. Or how to make dramatic entrances, or scare your foe! How can you defeat someone from a book? Unless you throw it at them, but that's only a one time weapon. This is a shame! A shame I say a shame! What are they paying you for, creepy cat collections?"

"Miss Brown you will sit down now. I don't know what you've been taught previously in America, but I assure you this is the proper way to learn ministry approved magic. Now read chapter one!"

"I can't read."

"Yes, you can otherwise you would not have been able to recognize, this so called improper method of dealing with the dark arts."

"Oh no, no I could just sense anything you taught us would be wrong."

"I will not have disrespect in my classroom, Miss Brown, detention!"

"Oh creepy cat lady, you can't do that, you are not the Captain here! I will only be directed by the Captain!"

"This is not a ship young lady! You will do as I say!"

"That's why I can't take orders from you, you have no ship!" At that, they began shouting at each other about ship rules and how Hogwarts was not a ship. Meanwhile, Alex had gotten out of her seat and began stealing Umbridge's kitten plates. After her third one, Umbridge finally stopped shouting at Charlie. Just as she was about to scold Alex, the bell rang. The students ambled out of the room, disturbed and amused by the class. Fred and George left last with Alex, all of them with kitten plates. Charlie had tried to resume her argument with Umbridge.

"Fine. If you will not accept detention from me, I will simply have the Headmaster order it. You will report here at eight tomorrow night." Charlie glared at the creepy woman before shaking her fist at her and running out of the room. Stupid cat ladies and their supposed ship knowledge.


	5. Mashed Potatoes

RAFT tip of the day: When in doubt use parley.

Mashed Potatoes

"—And this will save me from a wrackspurt?" The strange blonde girl nodded enthusiastically. "I see." Alex nodded wisely before being yanked toward the door. "Oii!"

"You can't be in here! This is the Ravenclaw common room, go back to the Slytherins!"

"I am not a Slytherin, you yellow-bellied scallywag! I have no house therefore I belong to them all! I have deemed this my sleeping place for the night; you will now guide me to a bed!" The Ravenclaw prefect stared at her incredulously before the funny blonde girl led her up to her dormitory.

"My name is Luna. You are Alejandra, right?"

"Yeah, but call me Alex."

"Okay, you can sleep in our dorm; there are stars on the ceiling." Alex oohed in appreciation.

"This here looks like a right fine place to set up camp." And with that Alex pulled a tent out of nowhere and began to pitch it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With Charlie & the Slytherins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlie had decided that the Slytherin common room was too dreary looking, and decided to redecorate, much to the Slytherins displeasure.

"Okay Goyle, move the fish tank over to the right! Your other right! Oh Crabbe hang the lavender drapes over by the fuchsia pillows, good."

"What are you doing?"

"Hi Blondie! Here hold the puppy posters they go over by the bean bags. I'm redecorating this place." Draco stared befuddled for a second and then started yelling at Charlie.

"What!? You can't do that! Put it back to the way it was, this is disgusting."

"No, no Blondie, I'm making it pretty now. Oh here you can pick where to put the teddy bears and flowers. I even baked cookies!" Draco stared at the odd American girl. Those cookies did look delicious, and the puppies were adorable. No! He was a proud pureblooded Slytherin! He would not be swayed by puppies and cookies! "Blondie do you want to hold the Anne Gables pictures, while I distribute the cookies?" Draco stared at the picture of babies dressed in flower costumes. He was done for.

The Next Morning…..

"I like the pink, it's pretty." Charlie walked up to Alex and Draco, all of whom now had flowers in hair.

"Um, Charlie why does every single Slytherin have flowers in their hair?"

"Well, we had some touching moments last night, and they got to know themselves better. They had to grow up to quickly, and never got to experience life. Did you know most of them grew up in large cold homes, never being hugged? Well I fixed them and soon they will become well rounded individuals."

"So the flowers are helping them get in touch with their inner child?"

"No I thought it would be funny to make them wear flowers. I told them if they didn't I would release the tapes I made of them crying and cooing at the puppy pictures."

"Well, time to go back to the dungeons again." The girls trudged back down to the dungeons, and sat in the same place they did yesterday. However, the funny red-haired boys were not there, and everyone looked a little younger…..

"Hey, what are you kids doing in here?"

"They're taller than you are Charlie."

"Shut up. Why is it every time we go somewhere it's 'Oh Charlie they're taller then you.' Or 'oh Charlie the pigmies are the same size as you could pass as twins,' oh Charlie you need stilts.' You know what Alex how's the weather up there, you stupid bean poll?"

"It's lovely."

"Goddammit."

"What, may I ask, are you ladies doing here?" They blinked and looked up at Professor Snape.

"We're here for your class." He sneered.

"I think you need to check your schedules again."

"No, no we had this first thing yesterday. Don't worry Professor we learned our schedules really fast." Charlie and Alex walked over to where they sat before, only to discover that they were already occupied.

"You're in our seats move." Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked up at Charlie and Alex.

"It's you!" Harry pointed at Alex.

"Um, yeah, yeah it is. Since you're not going to move….." Alex went and sat on his lap. He gaped wordlessly. Charlie took her cue and went and sat on Ron. She finally took note of Ron and stared at him.

"Its you! But there's only one of you! Where's the other?"

"Um I don't know what you mean?"

"Yesterday there were two of you."

"Um" Ron just continued to blush as Charlie examined him.

"Ron she's talking about Fred and George."

"I knew that!" While Ron and Herminie were fighting Harry was currently having an internal panic attack about the Death Eater spy currently sitting on his lap. She was going to hex him without anyone noticing! Then she would try to take over Hogwarts! He was the only one that could stop her.

"I know you're secret." He whispered. Alex blinked.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said, _I know your secret!_" Alex blinked. How did he know she was secretly a practicing tango dancer?

"Don't tell anyone."

"Oh okay…wait a minute!"

"Mr. Potter five points from Gryffindor."

"What? She's the one that's in the wrong class and plans on destroying Hogwarts!"

"Ten points."

"But she's-"

"I thoroughly doubt Miss de le Vega could take over a paper bag let alone all of Hogwarts. You however are currently disrupting my class, another five points." Alex shook her fist.

"Hey! I took over Nevada once! Seriously! They had to send in the marines to get me out!" Everyone looked at her strangely. "What?"

"Alex you fool we were never to speak of the Nevada incident again! You all heard nothing! Nothing!" Charlie angrily threatened everyone in the room. Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"We have block classes at Hogwarts. You do not usually have the same class two days in a row." Both girls ohed and got up, Ron and Harry sighing in relief. It was then they noticed all the Slytherins on the other side of the room had flowers in their hair. They started laughing, offending Charlie.

"Well it's not our fault we didn't have block classes in America! We didn't have classes in America!" They both grabbed their things and headed for the door. The Gryffindors were now laughing hysterically at the Slytherins, and Snape had just took a swig of what looked like brandy before hiding it again. Alex opened the door and Charlie waved.

"Bye Professor Huggleton! We will be back!" Snape paled, and every student in the dungeon broke out in laughter.

"DETENTION!" Snape raced out of the door and found Charlie and Alex. "You two you will report for detention tonight at 8:00." Charlie raised her hand.

"Um Professor Huggleton, I already have detention tonight from the creepy cat lady."

"Double detention then!" Alex sniggered. Snape looked at her. "You too!"

"What I didn't do anything!"

"Ten points!"

"I get ten points? In your face Charlie!"

"No you don't get points. You—" Snape paused; he forgot she didn't have a house. "You are going to detention, both of you."

"Just cause she called you Professor Huggleton?"

"You disrespected a professor and disrupted my class!" Alex looked at Charlie.

"This is all your fault."

"What you said he gave good hugs." Charlie turned and looked at Snape. She gave him her best puppy dog eyes. "I'm sorry Professor. It will never happen again." Snape stared at her. What was this feeling he was experiencing? He wanted to retract his punishment and pat her on the head telling her everything would be alright. No! He was a proud wizard he would not succumb to this little girl.

"I really am sorry Professor. I promise I will never ever ever do it again." Dammit, Snape was weakening he was willing to give her whatever she wanted. He had to get away from her, before he lost it. These damn Americans had the strange power to influence his will with their damn big sparkly eyes and innocent expressions. Alex stepped up.

"Sorry Professor, you know, Charlie is dyslexic, she can't remember names well, _please, _we can't have two detentions tonight." She leaned forward with her arms behind her back and smiled, her eyes sparkling. He leaned back in horror.

"I---" He blinked and stared at the two of them with their sparkling expressions. "I-I have to, to go…" He ran back down the hallway to his dungeon. The girls shrugged.

"Huh. Oh well. So, what did you do with your schedule?"

"Oh it's in my bag hold on." Charlie started digging through her bag. "Here hold this." She pulled out a notebook. "and this." A book. "and these." More books and pens. "oh and this." Charlie pulled out a role of paper towels. "okay hold on." Charlie kept on digging through her bag, pulling out a GPS, make up, a map of Europe, a rubber duck, and a smoothie.

"How are you doing this?"

"Oh here we go, the schedule. Let's see, we have Transfiguration. That better not have anything to do with math." The girls started walking. "So um you know yesterday how we had to have some kid show us where Huggleton teaches?"

"Yeah so?"

"How are we going to find this class?" Alex stopped.

"Oh. Huh. We'll figure it out."

"Okay doky." They walked up to the great hall and looked up. There were floors upon floors of moving staircases above them.

"Okay, so we came from below, so we have to go up. Pick a number!"

"Three!"

"Okay! Floor three here we come!" They raced up the stairs up to the second floor, but just as they were going to cross the staircase, it began to move. Alex stared in horror as the staircase slid out from under her feet, causing her to do the splits. She shifted all her weight forward and landed on the upper part of the staircase before it split in two. Charlie was right behind her, but was not able to reach the other part of the staircase.

"Shit! What the hell is this?"

"Earthquake!"

"Since when do they have earthquakes in England?"

"Like I know. Jump!" Charlie was getting farther and farther away as her staircase started swinging towards the wall. She took a running leap to Alex's staircase, but just as she was about to reach the staircase, Alex's started moving too. She tried to grab at the stairs, but missed and started falling.

"Shit!" Alex made an attempt to reach her in time, but was too late. "Fuck!" Alex pulled a whip out of her robe and wrapped it around a rod iron wall sconce and jumped, swinging down to catch Charlie. It was at that moment classes let out, and students started streaming out into the hallways and pointing up at them.

"I'm coming Charlie!" She grabbed her hand and they swung toward the other staircase, unfortunately, their momentum ran out before they reached it.

"AAAHHHHH, OOOHHHHH." They began swinging back and forth between the two staircases, finally coming to a slow stop, Alex holding onto her whip and holding Charlie's hand. They both blinked at the horde of students staring at them, before Alex's grip started slipping. The girls began falling. Suddenly they landed on something much softer than the floor. They looked down and saw someone with black hair and glasses.

"Hey Alex isn't this the kid you were sitting on earlier?"

"Yeah I think it is."

"Mmph ugh." They just stared at him, before getting off. Both girls looked around before they figured out what happened. When they were falling the staircases must have started moving again shortening their fall to only to twenty or so feet. Harry just happened to be on the staircase when it started moving. Suddenly everyone rushed over to them.

"Harry are you alright? Oh Harry you saved them, you're so brave!" The girls gaped as a crowd formed around Harry, singing his praises, while hoisting him up on their shoulders.

"Harry! Harry! Harry!" They carried him away, his head lolling dangerously. Charlie and Alex just stared, their mouths hanging open.

"What the hell? He didn't do anything! He broke our fall! That was it! What about all the death defying leaps, and swinging from the ceiling stuff we did? He was just there!" Some of the Gryffindors at the end of the parade turned and shook their fists at them.

"Harry's the best!"

"Yeah he's the boy who lived!"

"Yeah, the boy who broke our twenty foot fall and lived!"

"Why does he get all the credit and glory? What's so great about some boy we landed on?"

"I feel so ashamed. We've been outsmarted by a staircase, then we land on some kid, and suddenly he's a hero. How did this happen?"

"I don't know. I just don't know." They walked dejectedly to the Great Hall for lunch, passing the Hufflepuff table, which erupted into screams when they passed. They headed straight for the Slytherin table and scooted in so they were on either side of Draco. They listlessly filled their plates, and sighed dismally. Draco looked at each of them in turn. Alex wasn't as sparkly and Charlie's hair was drooping. He cleared his throat.

"So, umm, how was your morning?" Both girls pinned stares at him and he shrunk.

"I hate British earthquakes."

"Damned four eyes getting credit, where no credit is due." Draco looked over to Gryffindor table and heard chants of praise for Potter.

"Are you two mad at Potter?"

"Is that the kid's name? He broke our fall and suddenly he's a hero. The way everyone's telling it he jumped from the staircase and grabbed us both and saved us from a thousand foot drop. He's making it seem like we're helpless. Fucking whore." Draco grinned.

"You know I also happen to detest him." The girls didn't acknowledge he said anything.

"Stupid whelp."

"I think I'm going to be sick from the shame of it all."

"You know, we could work this to our advantage. There isn't a person at this entire table that doesn't hate Harry Potter! I'm sure if we work together we could----" Suddenly Alex screamed. She gestured to her plate in horror. Charlie gasped. Draco looked around wildly.

"What?!"

"I wasn't done with those! I was eating my mashed potatoes and then they just disappeared! Damn table stole my food!"

"Oh they're just clearing up for the next course." They both turned to him.

"They?"

"Yeah the house elves. The kitchens are right below us, and they magic the food up onto the tables." Alex's eyes narrowed and she stood up and began striding toward the Gryffindor table. She swept around, grabbed both twin's arms, and dragged them out of the Great Hall. Charlie watched them leave, then turned back to Draco.

"She took my twin!" Charlie eyed Draco. Oh well, blondes were just as good. She winked at him.

"So, you say you also hate Harry?"

"Yes I do."

"Well we should do something about that." Charlie started thinking. She looked at Draco again; his flower was still in his hair. Suddenly she got an idea. "We should form a club!" Draco blinked.

"What?"

"A club, it will be great! We can get matching jackets and have code words and we can hold the meetings in a tree house! Every Tuesday will be pie and punch day! I'll get started on the posters!" Charlie pulled a sheet of paper and a box of magic markers out of her bag and began drawing.

"Um I meant something else." Charlie looked up from her drawing and smiled at him. She handed Draco some paper and a green marker.

"After the poster making we can do something else. Something fun. Whatever you want." She winked at him again. He gawked at her and she shoved the marker into his hand.

"Where are we going?" Alex sighed; this was the third time they had asked that in unison. She spun them around.

"I need you guys to help me in the kitchen." They ohed and slid their arms through hers. One of them started speaking. Alex couldn't tell which one it was.

"Alright. We'd _love _to help you in the kitchen, but I'm not sure the house elves would appreciate it." Alex stared at him.

"Which one are you?" She untangled herself from them and walked behind them, then stopped, and looked hard, she walked up close to him and pinched his butt. "Never mind I know." She walked back up and grabbed his arm. "Hi Fred." She smiled and let him led her to the kitchen. After entering through the portrait, Alex straightened up, and began yelling at the house elves.

"Alright! Which one of you took me mashed potatoes?" They all looked nervously at each other. "Well? We can do this the easy way or the hard way." One of the meek elves stepped forward.

"Please miss, we're not sure which one of us took your food." She eyeballed all of them, before walking up to one of the tables and stealing a ladle.

"I then hereby commandeer this kitchen in the name of…me!" The twins looked at each other.

"Cool."

Charlie and Draco walked into the great hall, both of their hair was messed up. Draco had an odd look on his face, and followed Charlie to the Slytherin table. They sat down and Draco pulled his chair closer to her. Charlie noticed a girl with black hair giving her a nasty look.

"Can I help you?" The girl just kept on glaring at her.

"What is it Pansy?" The girl pursed her lips.

"Where were you? I was looking for you." Charlie suddenly spoke up.

"We were hanging up posters for our new club."

"You're in a club?"

"Yeah D.F.E."

"D.F.E.?"

"Destroy four eyes." Pansy was about to ask what she meant by that, when Charlie noticed something.

"Where's the food?" Draco scoffed.

"Hm those house elves must be slacking off. Dumbledore should be stricter with them. If my father knew—"

"Why is the food gone?" Charlie was hungry, she worked up and appetite, all she wanted was some food and the house elves were on strike? Some one coughed at that moment and they all looked up at the to the Head table to see Dumbledore about to address them.

"It seems that dinner will not be served tonight, as Miss de la Vega has, in her words, _commandeered _the, hem, kitchens. Unless we meet her demands, she said she shall withhold all meals." Pandemonium erupted, teachers and students alike began yelling, demanding dinner, and demanding she be punished.

"THAT BITCH!" Charlie stood up. Everyone stopped and stared at her. "Fucking hell! Oh I'm going to fix this! She has to tell me when she commandeers things! God fucking dammit! Oh she is going to get a piece of my mind!" She stormed out of the great hall intent on making Alex pay for holding her food hostage. Everyone in the great hall stared as Charlie left. McGonagall turned to Dumbledore.

"Shouldn't we go and stop her?" Dumbledore just smiled.

"I think Miss Brown will handle the situation just fine. Besides she will have the best chance of stopping her friend."

"You're finding this amusing aren't you?"

"Endlessly."

Charlie stomped down the hall to the kitchens. She was hungry and dammit why the heck didn't she think of it first. She tickled the pear and was about to step through the portrait when a hundred little hands pushed her back, one set grabbing her feet out from under her.

"Dammit Alex what the hell?" A face poked around the corner.

"It's just Charlie, tie her up and bring her in." She began cursing as the house elves tied her up and carried her over their heads into the room, dropping her in the middle of the room. She peered up to see Alex wearing a pan as a crown and Fred and George lounging at a table, eating cake. Her stomach growled. She looked over at the house elves.

"Why are you listening to her, I want my dinner dammit!" One of the house elves pointed behind Alex. All of their cooking supplies were suspended over a boiling pot of what looked like lava. Alex was holding onto a pull string that would send it into the cauldron.

"No. No food will be given unless my demands of my colleagues and I are met." She gestured to the Weasley twins, who grinned and waved. Charlie gaped.

"No fair I want in!"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Three's a much better number for a band of kitchen commandeers than four is."

"They're twins they count as one person."

"Hey!"

"Shh. I'm negotiating a deal here."

"Hm you maybe right. All right boys untie her." The house elves released Charlie, who went over to where the twins were sitting and started eating cake with them.

"So what are your demands anyway?"

"I want my mashed potatoes back."

"You took over the kitchen and refuse to feed anyone because you want your mashed potatoes back?"

"Yes." The twins glared.

"Oh, that and they want a stand in the great hall so that they can conduct puppet shows." Charlie blanched.

"Puppet shows?" George winked.

"_Special _Puppet shows." Charlie inched away from them.

"Ooookay then. Well, what do we do?"

"Whenever someone tries to breach the kitchen, I pull this string a bit," The house elves cooking supplies rattled and they all gasped in horror. "And the house elves attack them and we take them as our prisoners." Just then Alex had an idea.

"Hey, hostages, yeah that's it! Fred, why didn't we think of that?" Fred shrugged casually.

"Dunno. We could use her as a hostage." He pointed at Charlie.

"You know as much fun as that sounds I'm not digging the idea at the moment."

"No it's perfect they don't know you're on our side. They'll listen to our demands if we have a hostage."

"That might work except everyone knows we're friends."

"You never know what we might do with our friends."

"Not in front of the house elves." They all looked over to the horde of cowering house elves, and then shrugged.

"You haven't heard a thing; you have no idea what we're planning." Alex rattled the bundle threateningly and the house elves gasped and nodded. Charlie was surrounded by house elves again, and tied up for the second time.

"Dammit I just wanted my freaking dinner."

"Well that will teach you."

"Yeah make sure to have snacks in case some redheaded jerks decide to commandeer the kitchen."

"Lesson well learned Charlie."

"I hate you….will you at least feed me?"

"Hm. All right let it never be said that Alejandra de la Vega is unkind to hostages. George go take Charlie and make sure she's full."

"Will do." George winked at Charlie and slung her over his shoulder. Fred stared at Alex for a few minutes before she blinked.

"Oh right. But no-" Just then there was a banging on the door.

"Miss de la Vega open this door immediately! You can't commandeer the kitchens!" McGonagall's voice rang out, followed by Snape's.

"Miss de la Vega, if you do not return order to the kitchens you will be forced to spend the night in the forbidden forest!"

"Why's it forbidden?"

"All sorts of creatures dwell in the forest. It is a dark and dangerous place."

"Does it have talking trees?"

"Huh?"

"I'll go if they have talking trees." McGonagall got fed up.

"Miss de la Vega open this door immediately!"

"You heard 'em boys." The house elves opened the door and pounced on Snape and McGonagall. A fight broke out. Snape and McGonagall were able to take out several house elves before being subdued and tied up. Alex opened a bottle of rum and took a swig, and put on her large feathered captains hat.

"Now then matey's, there will be order in this kitchen, after you have met our demands. She gestured to the twins and Charlie, who had just returned with George. Snape sneered.

"Give in to your demands? This is a school Miss de la Vega, students are not allowed to commandeer anything or make demands!"

"Hm, well I gotta be saying matey, you be in no position to be telling me what I can and can not do. Besides my motto is 'Take what you can--"

"Give nothing back." Charlie chimed in.

"Miss Brown I thought you were coming down to settle this mess." The twins and Alex looked at Charlie.

"Oh that's right I forgot she was a hostage too. Tie her up again. How did you get out of the ropes the second time anyway?"

"George and I couldn't properly eat if I was tied up. No sportsmanship or fun in that." Everyone but George gawked at Charlie.

"Um…well anyway. Tie her up and put her with the rest of the hostages." Charlie found herself once again tied up by house elves.

"Damn scrappy little buggers." Charlie cursed. Alex sighed and sat down and perched her feet on Fred's lap.

"This could be a long night. Anyone want to play charades?" She looked at the twins, then over at Charlie, Snape, and McGonagall, all of whom were glaring at her.

"Rest assured, you will pay for this." She looked at Snape.

"Do you prefer gold or silver?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Eh, our guest's are too noisy, gag them please. McGonagall and Snape looked shocked as the house elves tied gags around their mouths and sat back, waiting for Alex's orders.

2 hours later…..

Charlie had fallen asleep, and snored through her gag, somehow. Alex and the twins were engaged in a rowdy game of charades.

"A buffalo! Austin Powers! Charlie on crack!" George blinked.

"I was a zebra!" Alex snapped her fingers.

"Damn, I should've known. Oh well, me next!" Just as she was going to act out Dancing with Wolves, someone knocked on the door. Alex grinned.

"Excellent. Boys, hold down the fort." Fred and George saluted and Alex opened the door, surrounded by house elves. Dumbledore stood in front of her.

"Howdy Professor."

"Good evening Miss de la Vega. I see that Minerva, Severus and Miss Brown have all failed in their attempt to reclaim the kitchen." Alex nodded wisely.

"Indeed. I assume you are here to negotiate their return?" Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, now let's get down to business."

"I see, if you'll step into my office." Alex went over to the table where George and Fred were sitting, she pulled out a chair and sat down. Fred and George stood on either side of her. Dumbledore sat down across from Alex.

"What are your demands?"

"I want my mashed potatoes back, and my mates be wanting to host puppet shows in the great hall." Dumbledore nodded.

"Anything else?" Alex nodded.

"A rum supply for Charlie and me, random dance parties in the Great Hall, and for these guys," She gestured to the house elves. "To not take my food away until I'm done with it!" The house elves nodded in fear. Dumbledore stroked his beard.

"I see. I will be able to return your mashed potatoes to you as a sign of good faith if you will release one of the hostages."

"I want the mashed potatoes and the rum supplies as a sign of good faith."

"Well Miss de la Vega. I'm not sure I will be able to meet your rum needs. Students are not allowed alcohol on school grounds."

"Well we have a problem here, but I'll be willing to substitute the rum supply for not having my food removed before I'm done."

"Alright we have an accord."

Dumbledore waved his wand and Alex's mashed potatoes appeared in front of her.

"Alright boys release Charlie." George walked over and untied Charlie, who had woken up during the negotiations.

"Finally my ass was getting sore." Charlie walked over to Alex's 'office' and stood beside George while Alex finished her mashed potatoes. She finished and sat back.

"Well, good doing business with you." Alex got up and walked away. Charlie sighed.

"She was never very good at negotiations." She sat done in Alex's chair and took over.

"I still have two hostages and a room full of house elves to barter with. The boys want the puppet shows and I want the rum."

"Puppet shows in the great hall would be disruptive."

"Hm well is there another place they could hold them?" Suddenly Fred piped up.

"We could hold them before Quidditch games." Dumbledore appeared in deep thought.

"Alright that is acceptable. However Miss Brown as I explained to your friend I can not allow students to drink on school grounds."

"How about you just look the other way?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and Charlie knew she got her answer, looks like she would be having a victory celebration tonight. Suddenly Alex walked back in with a piece of pie.

"What about the dance parties?"

"We allow the students a ball on Halloween."

"Hm how about four balls during the year?"

"Two."

"Three."

"Alright Miss Brown. Three balls, and puppet shows on the quidditch pitch." Charlie smiled, and shook Dumbledore's hand.

"Very good. It was wonderful doing business with you professor. Release the hostages, and return the kitchen utensils to the elves." The twins got the kitchen supplies back to the house elves, who immediately started worshipping them, and Charlie untied her professors. They were not happy. McGonagall sputtered.

"Shame on you both! Tying up your teachers and treating the house elves so! Why, you should have detentions for the rest of the year." Dumbledore shook his head.

"Alas no my dear Minerva. The negotiations went smoothly, and since detention was not part of them, I must do nothing." McGonagall looked shocked. But that was nothing compared to Snape. He was stalking toward Alex like an angry grizzly bear. She looked unconcerned.

"Professor." Snape snarled and bent down in order to whisper in her ear.

"You will pay for this, I'll make sure of it. Don't be surprised if you wake up to find tarantulas in your bed." Alex gasped and spoke loudly.

"Professor! It's inappropriate for you to sneak into a girl's dormitory! Shame on you!" He turned red as every one turned to stare at him, and he turned and stalked out the door.

"This is not over." Alex shrugged and walked up to Charlie.

"So, rum?" Charlie nodded.

"Let's go." They walked out of the kitchens and down the corridor. Alex paused.

"Hey, weren't we supposed to have detention tonight?" They both blinked.

"Oh well."


	6. Detention

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, we really appreciate them. Keep on reading. It's good for you. Remember three doses of fanfiction a day keeps the boredom away.

Detention

Charlie and Alex stumbled their way off one of the moving staircases. The girls were walking in zigzags. Charlie's tie was hanging loosely off to her side, her jacket was hanging off one shoulder and she was missing a shoe. Alex was wearing two robes, she had her tie around her head like a ninja, and when she woke up she had found an owl that was now perched on her shoulder.

"Can you feel your nose?"

"What nose?" They blearily made their way down to the great hall for breakfast, where they were met with Snape. He stood in the doorframe, his arms crossed, and an ugly scowl on his face. He smirked when he saw Alex's hair, which resembled an afro, and Charlie limping because of her lack of shoe.

"You two had detention last night, but alas, I see you had more….important things to do. You will both report to the dungeons tonight." He spoke in a low sinister voice, and Charlie shook her head.

"I'M SORRY, COULD YOU SPEAK UP?" Alex had her hands over her ears, and glared at her, while Snape growled.

"I said you have detention with me tonight!" He half yelled and Charlie ohed.

"I CAN'T GO, I HAVE DETENTION WITH UMBRIDGE." Alex cursed.

"Geez Charlie can you quiet it down a little?" Charlie shrugged.

"But I can't hear MYSELF SPEAK." She yelled the last part and blinked at Professor Snape.

"Fine, I'll reschedule you. But you---" He turned to Alex. "You I will see tonight at eight." Alex waved her hand and pushed past him.

"Fine, fine it's a date, let me go get my coffee." She and Charlie pushed past him, and he gaped at Alex wordlessly. The girls staggered to the Hufflepuff table and pulled two second years from their seats. Everyone in the great hall stared at the girls as they started drinking coffee.

"I think I'm still drunk."

"I still can't feel my nose." Umbridge walked over to where Charlie was sitting.

"Miss Brown you had detention with me last night. Why were you not there?" Charlie didn't look up from her coffee.

"I was being held hostage, and negotiating the house elves freedom for dance parties and rum."

"That's no excuse. You will report for detention tonight and every night this week."

"I have detention with Huggleton later this week. I can't go to your detention."

"UNACCEPTABLE!" Umbridge screeched. Charlie finally looked up at her. Everyone in the great hall started watching them.

"Okay you need to be quiet now."

"I am a professor and you will respect me!"

"You are a creepy cat lady who looks like a frog, and I don't have to do squat. You have no power over me."

"Detention!" Charlie sighed, and looked at Alex.

"You know I really thought the no power line would make her shut up, and go away."

"Yeah must only work on goblins." Charlie sighed again and looked at Umbridge.

"I already have detention. You'll be lucky if I show up at all now go away." She huffed for a second, before marching up to the staff table and talking to Snape, who looked over at Charlie and nodded curtly. She marched back over to her with a smug look on her face.

"Well! It's settled, you will have detention with me every night this week, and you will serve your detention with Professor Snape on Saturday. Is that understood?" Charlie nodded and went back to eating her porridge. Umbridge walked away, and Alex leaned toward her.

"Think you can sneak out?" Charlie nodded.

"Oh yeah, she's nothing." A small Hufflepuff boy was scooting toward Charlie, who stared.

"Can I help you?" The boy shyly handed her a dandelion, then scooted away again. She blinked.

"Huh. Thanks." She took a bite out of it, then blinked. "This isn't candy…" She stuck it in her goblet of pumpkin juice, and pulled out her schedule. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alex's hair twitch menacingly and she gasped.

"Alex! Why? Are you trying to kill us all? For goodness sakes woman, take care of it!" Alex blinked, and patted the top of her head. Her hair tried to snare her hand, but she batted it away and it hissed.

"Right. I'll meet you at class." Charlie nodded.

"It's charms, now go!" Alex hurried out of the room to wash and tame her hair, which was reaching out and trying to grab random students. Charlie sighed.

"Constant vigilance…." She mumbled and grabbed Draco by the back of his shirt and pulled him along with her. He looked at Crabbe and Goyle and winked.

"So are we going to go and hang more posters?"

"Later you need to show me where this Charms class is." Draco got out of her grasp and walked next to Charlie, slinging an arm over her shoulder.

"Loved the way you talked to Umbridge." Charlie yawned, and nodded.

"She's a creepy cat lady who has a stick up her ass, and needs to get laid but no one would touch her with a ten foot pole, which just makes her more of a bitch."

"Interesting way of putting it. So where were you last night, rumor is you were a hostage in the kitchen."

"Yeah but it's okay negotiations went well got dance parties and puppet shows then Alex and I got drunk and ended up sleeping on the moving stairs." Draco just looked at Charlie. Americans were so odd.

"I…see. So, about that club thing, we'll have to wait till after you finish your detentions, we can hold it in the common room." Charlie nodded.

"Yes, and that will give me time to sneak pictures of him, then put them on the posters. We don't want any misconceptions you know, lot's of kids with glasses around here…." Draco sighed.

"I seriously doubt anyone's going to think it's anyone else, considering you put 'stupid kid with stupid squiggle scar' on the posters."

"Oh yeah…is this it?" There was a small crowd of students around a door. Draco nodded and turned to leave.

"We'll have to hang more than posters later." Charlie walked into class with the crowd and located the twins and sat down with them. A short little man was writing instructions on the board. Charlie looked at the twins.

"So what are the chances this class consists of nothing more then eating lucky charms and catching leprechauns?" She looked at the professor. "I see we already caught one of them." They grinned. And Professor Flitwick cleared his throat.

"Today class, we will be working on-----" But Charlie had already tuned him out, and started doodling more poster ideas. She sighed. Goddamn she could use some more rum, Alex had better get there soon.

With Alex…..

After showering and taming her hair with gel, the now fresh as a daisy Alex strolled through the halls whistling a jaunty tune. Sparkles formed around her as she skipped along, birds chirping happily. Suddenly a cat appeared out of nowhere and grabbed one of the birds.

"Ah bad kitty! Drop it!" Alex started chasing the cat but the cat was able to escape, and when Alex turned around she was surrounded by cats ready to pounce. "Um good kitties." Alex started walking backwards when the cats lunged at the birds around her. She screamed and took off running, the birds flying after her, and the herd of cats following them. She turned the corner and ran up the stairs to the nearest door, pulling it open and running inside. Charlie looked up from her doodles to see Alex running through the room, followed by a mass of birds and snarling cats. People started screaming as random spells hit some of the cats. Desks were overturned, birds were getting tangled in girls' hair, and the cats were attacking everyone trying to get to the birds. Flitwick had disappeared, and the spells they had been casting turned out to be engorgement charms. Or at least Charlie thought so, as one orange cat was now as large as an elephant.

"ROAR!!"

"Oh shit." Charlie along with everyone in the class ran for the door trying to get out of the class room. The giant cat crashed through the door, knocking it down. It started chasing all the students. Students and teachers from other classes looked out of their classrooms and stared as the giant cat chased the seventh year charms students. Screams of terror were heard all through out the castle. Suddenly an Asian student screamed.

"RUN! IT'S GODZILLA!" Chaos broke out and all the students started running towards the exits. Alex had decided to try and placate the cat by trying to give it an offering of one of the birds she caught, but the cat simply ran straight at her, the entire corridor trembling from it's weight. Just as it was about to get to her, somebody jumped straight at her, and they rolled to the side, Alex, landing on said person as the cat rumbled past. She stared at the person who saved her and the person stared back.

"YOU!" They both shouted at the same time.

"What do you think you were doing or did you just happen to be in the right place again?" Alex glared at Harry.

"I thought you were a different person!"

"You mean you didn't save me because you're harboring some secret love of me?"

"What? NO!"

"It's okay sweetie. I think you're pretty cute too." Harry just stared at Alex in disbelief. She was just yelling at him and now she was flirting with him? She was a tricky death eater.

"See you around sweetheart I have to go take care of a small problem." Alex got up and pecked Harry on the cheek before running out to where the cat Godzilla was terrorizing the students. She met Charlie running down the stairs and they nodded to each other and took off in separate directions.

"Alright! Go into Formation Alpha Squadron 6!" The cat was now on the first floor near the entrance, and Charlie jumped down from one of the staircases and somersaulted underneath it. She opened the large oak doors and jumped behind them as Alex fixed her whip to the chandelier and swung down epically, landing on the cat's back. She grabbed its fur as it began bucking like a bull.

"YEEE HAAAA!" It snarled and tried to dislodge Alex from its back, when Charlie came back with what looked like a massive bag of cat nip. The cat started after her at once, and Alex leapt from its back as Charlie threw the bag out the open doors with as much force as she could muster. Alex pushed her out of the way just as the cat raced over the steps toward the flying bag. The cat ran after the bag as it landed somewhere in the forbidden forest. Alex and Charlie sighed in relief when Harry walked up next to them and stared as the cat ran away. Suddenly every student in Hogwarts ran out the entrance and hoisted Harry up on their shoulders.

"Harry you saved us!" 

"Three cheers for Harry Potter! Hip Hip Horrah!"

"Harry you're the best." Charlie and Alex just stared in disbelief.

"You know I'm really starting to hate that kid." Charlie couldn't take it anymore.

"We did everything! Everything! We got the catnip, avoided being eaten or stepped on and we were the ones that defeated it! WE DID! Never mind we were the ones that caused it. We were still the ones that saved the day! That son of a bitch! We just saved the freaking school and he gets a parade! HE JUST STOOD THERE! He wasn't even there for the whole time!" Alex patted Charlie on the shoulder.

"I know Charlie. I know."

"British people are stupid."

"Do you wanna get some ice cream?" Alex tried making Charlie feel better.

"No."

"Do you wanna find the twins?"

"No I'm too mad to have fun with them at the moment."

"Do you wanna work on your club and plot his down fall?"

"Yes."

"Okay let's go plot his downfall."

"If he saved the day do you think we would get the credit?"

"It's worth a try."

"Stupid four eyes. Me and blondie have to have a meeting about this."

"Do you want me to come?"

"No our best meetings are with just the two of us. Anymore and it might get awkward." Alex wasn't even going to ask. Charlie stalked away and Alex stood in front of the Great Hall blinking. It was so close to lunch time that nobody went back to their classes, they just went straight in. She shrugged and followed. She could do with a bit of shepard's pie…..

Several hours later…..

"So…..that's it?" Charlie nodded. They were eating dinner at the Hufflepuff table.

"Yep. You can come too, except we're meeting next week cause we got detention all this week." Alex grabbed a tart and blinked as the tiny boy that they had seen that morning had come back and was staring at Charlie again.

"Hi." He handed her a piece of pie. Charlie blinked.

"Pumpkin? My favorite! Thank you small child!" The first year walked away, and Charlie started happily at her pie. Alex cleared her throat.

"That little kid totally has a crush on you, you shouldn't lead him on."

"But he gave me pie!" Just then, the twins sat down on either side of them and slung their arms around their shoulders.

"Hey." Charlie sighed. Why did they have to say everything in unison? Fred leaned over Alex to grab some food off her plate and she hissed. He grinned and whispered something in her ear, and she perked.

"Really? I've always loved that….so to your room?" Fred nodded. They took off, practically running to the doors. Charlie blinked and turned to George.

"So…" But at that moment Umbridge stood up and left the Hall and Charlie groaned.

"Dammit, I've got detention tonight!" George ran a hand through his red hair.

"With Umbridge? You better be careful." Charlie smirked.

"If she tries anything, I'll flog her into next Tuesday!" George patted her arm.

"That's the spirit." She looked at the clock and groaned. Oh well she still had sometime before detention.

"I got thirty minutes before I gotta go to detention with creepy cat lady. Got anything fun you want to do?" George grinned and got up from the table followed by Charlie.

Charlie sighed as she walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts room. Detention sucks.

"Yo teach I'm here let's get this thing over with." Umbridge shot Charlie a nasty look.

"Well Miss Brown I'm so happy you decided to show up tonight."

"Yeah you are pretty lucky." Umbridge glared at Charlie.

"Miss Brown I want you to write 'I will not disrespect the professor' one hundred times."

"That's it. Well okay doky. Bring it on." Charlie pulled out a notebook and a pen and started writing lines.

"No no Miss Brown you'll be using one of my quills."

"I can't guarantee I won't steal it so if you're willing to take that risk…"

"I think I am Miss Brown. I think I am." Umbridge gave Charlie a quill and went to sit at her desk. Charlie started writing with the quill Umbridge gave her. She looked at her notebook and noticed the ink was red. Weird she didn't peg Umbridge as a red kinda person. Oh well. Charlie kept writing and she noticed her hand was hurting. She looked at her hand and noticed faint letters there. She decided she didn't like the quill Umbridge gave her, it was hurting her hand. She tossed it over her shoulder and started writing with her pen again. She was about twenty lines through when Umbridge came over and started yelling at her.

"Miss Brown where is the quill I gave you?"

"It was hurting my hand so I threw it away. Don't worry creepy cat lady I'll get your lines done, and I'll make sure I never disrespect Professor Huggleton again."

"You will write your lines with the quill I gave you! And I am the professor you are supposed to respect!" Charlie looked up from her lines.

"Huh? Did you say something creepy cat lady? I wasn't paying attention."

"Another fifty lines Miss Brown and use my quill!"

"Are you sure you don't want me to use that stick up your ass?"

"Fifty more lines!"

"God you're such a bitch alright I'll write your f-ing lines." She took the pen from Umbridge's hand and resumed writing her lines. Her hand started hurting and she threw the quill over her shoulder again. Damn thing kept hurting her hand. She started writing her lines with her pen again. Damn this sucked….

With Alex…..

"Miss de la Vega, so nice to see you…" Alex straightened her shirt and put her bag down on a desk. She sat on it and crossed her legs.

"So, what do I do for detention, just sit and be quiet and stuff? That's what they do back home, I think…" She drifted off, rubbing her chin. Snape put down his quill and stood up, ushering her toward the back corner of the classroom, where there was a large stack of dirty cauldrons. She blinked and turned to look back at him, only he was right behind her.

"I didn't know you liked things dirty professor. I'll have to keep that in mind." Snape blanched.

"You will be cleaning these cauldrons out by hand. And you will finish them all; no matter how long it takes." Alex held out her hands.

"Okay just get me the Mr. Clean." Snape regarded her.

"You will use what's on the table. And I would suggest putting on gloves. One of those cauldrons belonged to Mr. Longbottom." Alex shrugged her robes off and undid her tie. She shook her hair out of her face and put on the dragonskin gloves only to find Snape staring at her.

"What?"

"Is that your natural hair color?"

"Yes…does it matter?" Snape shook his head.

"Carry on." He went back to grading papers and Alex surveyed the stack of cauldrons. There was promise in this. She looked over at Snape, he was busy. Good.

30 minutes later….

Snape sighed for what seemed like the twentieth time. Longbottom had spelled dragonskin with a c. How he moved up a year he would never know…..Something suddenly caught his attention. From the corner of the room where the girl was working…..he'd been trying to ignore her. But something was moving up from the stack of cauldrons…wait…was that a flag? He turned and looked closer. A red flag with a Z cut into it was rising from the stack of cauldrons, which now resembled a castle, as well as a castle built out of cauldrons could.

"Miss de la Vega what is the meaning of this?" Alex peered at Snape from the top of her cauldron castle.

"What isn't the meaning of it?" Snape was stunned for a moment.

"What do you mean? Miss de la Vega dismantle this immediately and return to cleaning the cauldrons!"

"No! Besides I already cleaned them, and I like my fort you should come visit me in it some time."

"Miss de la Vega I will not tell you a second time take this down right now!"

"Um…no if you want me to take down my castle you can come in and make me." Snape growled angrily. It was never easy when it came to this one. He waved his wand trying to return all the cauldrons to their proper place, but nothing happened. The girl put a spell on it to stop him from doing anything! He didn't think she was that smart.

"Miss de la Vega, remove the spell you have protecting your _castle _and return these cauldrons to their proper place."

"You can't make me."

"If you do not do as you are told I will come in and drag you out by your ear and make you take return the cauldrons without allowing you to use magic or your hands."

"Go away! It's my castle get your own." Snape walked over to what looked like the entrance of the castle Alex built and tried getting in, only to be stopped once again.

"Miss de la Vega let me in!"

"What's the password?" He growled audibly.

"You will let me in." Alex sat back and twirled her hair.

"Then you have to guess. Come on, guess!"

"I will not. You will get out of there right now and clean this up or you will have detention for the rest of your time at Hogwarts!" But Alex looked delighted.

"More cauldron castles? Yes, yes that will be good, very good." Snape blinked. He wasn't going to put up with this anymore!

"Miss de la Vega get out immediately!" Suddenly a cauldron shot out from Alex's castle and hit Snape squarely in the chest.

"Miss Brown, have you finished?" Charlie started and dropped her quill-pen and quickly put down the last few lines.

"Yeah, here." She handed Umbridge the parchment with her lines on it, then quickly untied the red pen she had from Umbridge's quill. The cuts on the back of her hand weren't that bad, so she went over them with red pen. Umbridge examined them.

"Yes, that will be all." Charlie ran from the room before Umbridge could examine her lines, she had gotten bored around 50 and started writing 'Creepy cat lady is a bitch' instead. But she ran down toward the dungeons, it was her and Alex's daily rum drinking and rowdy partying time in the kitchens and she couldn't be late. She zoomed down to the dungeons and paused before she opened the door. She heard giggling and thumping. Huggleton must have told a good joke and now they where rolling on the floor laughing. She opened the door to the dungeon to see Alex clutching a cauldron to her chest while Snape ducked behind a desk.

"Alex it's rum time! What are you doing? You can play cannonball with the cauldrons later. Wait, oh I see, you insulted her." Charlie looked back and forth from Alex to Huggleton. Cauldrons were scattered all over the place, some were broken and others left stains on the wall. It looked like Alex and Huggleton had gotten into a fight and were using the cauldrons as weapons.

"He tried to storm my castle. I had to defend Fort Alex at all costs. I have claimed this dungeon in the name of me!"

"You seem to be doing that a lot lately. But you have to get out of the castle Alex its rum drinking time." Snape was about to tell Charlie that if Alex refused to come out of her castle for him that there was no way that Alex would remove herself from her castle for her.

"Okay." Alex happily skipped out of her castle and over to Charlie. "Rum party time!" Both girls turned and started heading towards the door when Snape spoke up.

"Miss Brown there is to be no drinking on school grounds. Professor Dumbledore explained that to you yesterday."

"But it's rum time."

"You will return to your dormitory and you will not engage in anymore of your so called rum time." Charlie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You guys just don't get it do you? Do you know what happens when a pirate goes without rum?" Snape merely stared.

"People DIE!" She screamed and Snape jumped back as Charlie grabbed Alex's hand, who grabbed her bag as she was pulled out of the room.

"Bye Professor, see you tomorrow!" Charlie dragged her up to the kitchen.

"You got another detention?" Alex blinked.

"Uh…yeah, not so good at cleaning out cauldrons, he's going to teach me the proper way tomorrow." Charlie stared at her suspiciously.

"I see." They climbed through the portrait and the house elves had a fancy table set up for them with the rum chilling in an ice bucket. Fred and George were already seated, both wearing top hats. Alex and Charlie seated themselves and the house elves ran to the other corner of the kitchen, shaking in fear, and protecting their pots and pans.

"I say, quite nice spread they've got here."

"Indeed."

"Quite." Charlie and Alex poured themselves glasses of rum and toasted with the twins.

"Well, tally-ho then." They downed their glasses and sat back on their chairs enjoying a nice English tea party with rum while the house elves brought them crumpets.


End file.
